I could really use some Smurfs....

In 36 hours, a plane will be landing at McCarran airport. And from that plane a 5 foot 95 pound woman will exit, and barrel down all those that foolishly step in her path. To get the the grand kids.

My mother is coming to town.

Which means I have 36 hours to finish getting the house ready. I have never proclaimed to be domestic. Hell, when we were selling our first house, I shoved EVERYTHING in the closets.

Do you know that realtors open closets?

Anyway, last week we decided it would be the most perfect and logical time to paint the rest of the upstairs. Oh, and landscape.

So I could really use Papa Smurf to send a delegation of little blue helpers to my house.

The newest member of the family...

Meet Ralph the Monkey. Otherwise known as Ralph the "how many damn pumps of this bike pump will it take to blow this damn thing up" Monkey.

After 30 pumps, and not even the tip of the banana was inflated, I called Drew and asked him where the air compressor was in the garage. I heard the terror in his voice when he said to leave it alone, he would inflate it when he got home. Oh no- I wanted it done now! After being told that there was a good chance I would blow up the monkey, since I have never operated an air compressor before, I decided that I did not want tiny bits of Ralph all over the garage, and went back to the manual pump.

1 hour later, with many breaks, I present Ralph, (and my new biceps that rival Popeye).

Oh, and in case you are wondering why I have a 6 foot inflatable monkey in my house- he is the greeter for the trio's birthday party.

Street justice- triplet style

Let the games begin.

The pushing, biting, scratching and screaming over toys has hit an all new record. However, Ryan has an unfair advantage, since he has SIX teeth, all mysteriously sharp. This can be attested to by the bloody hole I now have in my thumb, thanks to a moment of teething he performed on my now bandaged appendage. Dominic scratched Aspen's neck and Aspen screams at the top of her lungs and snorts anytime someone make her mad.

I saw Dominic shove Ryan, Ryan knock him over and pin him down, and the whole time Aspen sat like a little innocent referee.

Good times

He is NOT going to be happy with us...

We have to take Dominic tomorrow for surgery. He is getting,... how shall I put this....snipped.

See, Lil' Dominic had an inguinal hernia that the hospital neglected to tell us about and was only caught by my pediatrician. That discovery led to a trip to the surgeon. So the surgeon tells us that she will just tidy things up in that area when she operates on the hernia. HOWEVER, his hernia had other plans, and decided to close up shop on it's own. So the surgeon wanted to follow him and keep an eye on it. Well, at this rate, he would be in high school before she gave us the green light. So we asked our Ped to do it, and he said no, now that he is almost a year old.



So off to the urologist we went, and after some back alley bribery, he agreed to do it. Just kidding, no money exchanged hands. Well, at least until the bill comes.



By the way- this is how I caught him in the playroom. He already looks worried.

Uncluttering my life...

2007 may be the Year of the Pig, ,but year # 32 of my life is all about getting rid of the clutter.

Anything that does not move in my house is eligible for getting sold, shredded or pitched. And even that is negotiable because if Moo strategically pukes a hairball on my shoes ONE MORE TIME- he's outta here.

We have a 3 car garage. Total number of cars parked in it - ZERO. Between boxes that we have not unpacked since we moved from Baltimore, and 483 pairs of shoes (don't ask), Drew would not tempt fate by parking a car in there. Not to mention the extra furniture like the futon I have been trying to push on Michelle, or the kitchen table that must go. We have enough spare furniture that I could turn the single garage into an apartment.

IT MUST ALL GO. NOW.

Project Bambino - Part 6

(2004)

So after the Dr. Looneypants debacle, I set out to find another OBGYN. I was set on finding a woman, only because the whole thought of male OBGYNs kinda creeped me out. I had visions of guys I went to college with, and what their response would have been when asked what their major was while getting drunk at keg parties. ("Dude, I'm going to be an OBGYN" and then puking in the corner).

HOWEVER, about this time, major issues with malpractice insurance came into play in this lovely state, and all OBGYNs fled the area like they were being chased by giant cold speculums. Needless to say, pickins' were slim.

So I ended up with a man. My sister put it into perspective when she told advised me that they see "nether regions" all day long, and what did I think was so special about mine that it was going to stand out.

So Dr. ReallyTall sat down and went over my history, and after he put the Scotch down (nah, just kidding) decided to send me for lab work. When that came back, he thought that there was an insulin issue that could be throwing me out of whack, and put me on Metformin (aka Glucophage). What the script does not tell you, is that the side effects of this could be compared to eating a burrito from a street vendor in Tijuana. After drinking cheap tequila. Not fun times.

So after realizing that this may not be the right avenue, he sent me to THE FERTILITY SPECIALIST. I called and tried to make an appointment with Dr. SpendsTooMuchOnAdvertising, and ended up seeing his partner Dr. NiceBedsideManner* (will have additional name later).

I was so excited. After all, he is the SPECIALIST, the messed up innards guru, the broken uterus fixer, the jacked up hormone repair man. Surely he can fix anything that's wrong.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

to be continued...

Some pics for the day...

"Hey- Mommy's got the camera"

"I'm gonna get the camera"

"I can get REALLY close to the camera"

"I will behave, and let Ryan get in trouble"

"I will just sit here and be pretty"

The magical mystifying powers of a pink ball

Project Bambino- part 6 tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

I have officially turned 30 + 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/4. Do the math, but 30ish still sounds better.

Drew sent me flowers at work. I asked the delivery man if they were the diamond version, and apparently he did not speak English, so he just stared at me and nodded. Needless to say, after I ripped through them looking for my jewels, there weren't any. Just kidding, I didn't dig through the flowers. But the thought did cross my mind since Drew has a habit of hiding jewelry.

Tonight we are going to dinner, and Liz is watching the kiddos. I tried to have Drew take birthday pics of me and the kids by the pool, but it was waaay too windy. And my hair looked like I got caught between a tornado and an egg beater.

Off to dinner!

The countdown has begun...

In 28 hours, I will turn 30............(ish)

That means that Drew has 28 more hours to buy me diamonds, a card, diamonds, a cake, diamonds, balloons, diamonds, and a gift.

I wonder if he can take a hint...

Vaseline - the newest food group

Note to self- Do not leave Ryan unattended, AT ANY TIME.

Why he can't follow rules, I have no idea. The playroom is baby proofed, except for a small jar of baby scented petroleum jelly that happens to be on a table, OUT OF HIS REACH.

or so I thought.

I hear a clunk, and turn to see Ryan, jar of petroleum jelly on the floor, lid halfway across the room. Upon further inspection, it's all over him. I pick him up to see if he ate any and sniff to see if I can smell the "fresh baby scent" in his mouth. The back of the jar says to call poison control. YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD ALSO PROVIDE THE NUMBER. yeah right.

SO I find it on the internet, call and have a nurse pretty much tell me (between snickers) that the only issue may be a "laxative effect" Great.

So far, no diaper blowouts and I don't think that he actually got any in his mouth. But there was enough on him that when we gave him a bath, he had a protective coat of goo all over him and repelled water.

Ode to my rumpus

There once was a girl named Me

who tanned too long in bed #3

from her toes to her head

she turned a bright red

and she now has a burnt hienie

Party planning time!

I am in serious party planning mode. After spending waaay too much time on the internet, I FINALLY found the plates and decorations that I like. And kudos to Dena- for guiding me with a cool idea.

Ideas that did not make the cut:

Zoo animals - HAHA! This is Vegas people! Even though you can rent mini ponies and other tiny animals that can be delivered to your house - it gets 175 friggan' degrees here. Do I really need a donkey keeling over in my backyard? Besides, farm animals tend to stink. Yuck.

Clowns- creepy, enough said

Cartoon characters of any kind - especially Winnie the annoying Pooh.

So, I shall begin to work on Drew's honey do list and figuring out a menu. I don't think my signature dish of cheeseburger macaroni Hamburger Helper will be too enticing. But I did find out that my next door neighbors (aka Drew's new best friends) own a sushi restaurant.

California rolls for everyone!

Happy Easter!

For 3 babies that got not a lick of sugar today, they were wild. Naps apparently are optional on holidays because they slept a total of 30 minutes since waking up this morning. Or, they were retaliating at me for making them wear the bunny ears.

More pics from today...

Backyard fun "Hey Aspen - Ryan's trying to get in the pool"
"Hurry up Mom -the Masters is on"

"My basket!"

"Look at all my loot!"

"These really don't match my dress..."
They were so tired they took their night bottle at 5:45 and were asleep at 6:15. I can't believe they are 11 months old today!

What you NEVER want to hear from your stylist...

"Keep your eyes closed- this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to"

I stroll in for my appointment and give Tony my 2 requests:

1] Don't make my hair look like Sanjaya's on AI - approved
2] Please give me the sparkling midnight blue highlights I love every time I come in- denied

So after he informs me that my cut has morphed into "mom hair". I tell to him to figure something fun out and he tells me that he will turn me into a "sassy b*tch" with swoops? So after the highlights are done, I close my eyes for a little napsie when I feel lotsa scissor swooping going on. Lots of swoops. Edward Scissorhand caliber swoopin'. Then the hairdryer. And then the sentence that sent shivers down my spine.

But with some snips here, and even more swoops, and a couple of chops thrown in for good measure, he seemed pleased with himself. And I opened my eyes to a totally awesome (yet no blue highlights) hairstyle.

So that, combined with Aspen bringing me a fountain coke from McD's today (technically Drew drove) while I was at work, and Ryan only crying for 10 minutes at bedtime- it was a pretty decent Tuesday.

haha - laugh for the day #2

Surprisingly, I have read/heard very few triplet jokes since having the trio. So when my friend Robyn sent me a triplet joke WITH an Italian theme...well gosh, I felt the need to spread the love.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said that he would pay her a large sum of money, if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born?
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said. "You received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

That went well...

Today was "Meet the Easter Bunny" day. Or, also known as, potentially scar the kids for life by subjecting them to a "Big Furry Rabbit with Giant Buck Teeth" day.

But it went well. Except if I was a gambling person, I would have lost since I would have placed all bets on Ryan to be the one to start crying. Nope. It was Dominic. Ryan smiled- he knows where to get the candy hook up. Aspen was fine, and sat right up like she was on a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Dominic- well, Dominic wanted nothing to do with him. The jig was up. Dominic's not stupid- he knows he's too young for candy. And while Ryan sat eyeballing the basket of lollipops, Dominic cried knowing that there was no sugar prize at the end of the adventure.