Vaseline - the newest food group

Note to self- Do not leave Ryan unattended, AT ANY TIME.

Why he can't follow rules, I have no idea. The playroom is baby proofed, except for a small jar of baby scented petroleum jelly that happens to be on a table, OUT OF HIS REACH.

or so I thought.

I hear a clunk, and turn to see Ryan, jar of petroleum jelly on the floor, lid halfway across the room. Upon further inspection, it's all over him. I pick him up to see if he ate any and sniff to see if I can smell the "fresh baby scent" in his mouth. The back of the jar says to call poison control. YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD ALSO PROVIDE THE NUMBER. yeah right.

SO I find it on the internet, call and have a nurse pretty much tell me (between snickers) that the only issue may be a "laxative effect" Great.

So far, no diaper blowouts and I don't think that he actually got any in his mouth. But there was enough on him that when we gave him a bath, he had a protective coat of goo all over him and repelled water.

My parenting license may be revoked...

Oh boy.

The parenting police are probably shining theirs cuffs right now.

Ryan had a rough weekend. Ryan is no longer allowed in the Bumbo chair unattended. Ryan can climb out of the Bumbo chair. Ryan fell headfirst into the sink.

IN MY DEFENSE-
1] He loves water
2] He saw water
3] He went for the water while I grabbed Dominic

I need another set of eyes and another arm.
~~~~~~~
Note to self #6 - There is a reason that the Triple Decker stroller clearly states on the handle bar "Remove top baby first".

After taking the trio to see Drew at work, Liz and I decided to grab some lunch. After finally getting seated (aka- making it thru the curious folks to our table) I was so flustered that I took Dominic off, then as I lifted Aspen's car seat off, I heard a THUNK.

uh oh

The law of gravity is proven when 17 lb baby makes the stroller top heavy. I swear a silent hush fell over the restaurant. So there is Ryan, in the car seat, triple decker with its front wheel high in the air, looking at me like "What the hell MOM!" and then he proceeded to SCREAM, just for dramatic purposes only.

So I played it off like a stroller malfunction, and not a Mom malfunction, and all was calm in the land again.

Then he got the ultimate revenge. We had 1 last stop- and he broke the CARDINAL RULE.

NO POOPING IN PUBLIC.

Of course the diaper bag was in the car (I mean, after all- mothers of the year like myself tend to leave the diaper bag in the car-DUH). So I send my apologies out to the fellow shoppers on behalf of Prince StinkyPants.

Note to self #5

"Do not wait until you are deep in the kingdom of sickyness to find a new family doctor"

My throat feels like I swallowed barbed wire and my nostrils are each sending out teams of snot bobsledders to see which one can race down my face the fastest. So I figured I should go make sure I didn't have SARS or the bird flu. Problem is, I have not seen a "regular" doctor in a long time. The only MDs I have seen recently only handle the nether regions. And since this situation was occurring north of the border, I didn't think my Peri (who is probably now regretting keeping me as a "normal" patient) would appreciate me calling him about a snot clogged nose.

I finally got in to see a PA-C, who told me I have a lovely sinus infection and bacterial pharyngitis. So she gave me a script for some giant horse pills and a lollipop and sent me on my merry way. OK- I didn't get a lollipop but I deserved one.

So, it hurts to talk, and I am whining with kleenex stuffed up my nose. AND I can't take my diet pills for 10 days.

NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN LOLLIPOP!!!

A 2nd mortgage......for shampoo

I finally got in to get my hair highlighted and cut. Very sweet of Tony considering I totally forgot when my appointment was and called to ask him, 1/2 hour after I missed it. But he forgave me, and didn't even take it out on my hair :)

However, I have been a tad lax in getting out and getting shampoo and conditioner. Not that I do not have any in the house. I have a "hair product graveyard" full of enough shampoo and conditioner to fill my pool. I just don't like them. So I pawn them off on Drew, who shaves his head bald, so they end up in the guest bathroom.

So last week after I realized that no matter how much I shook the conditioner bottle- it was empty- I ran downstairs and raided the bathroom. The only matching products- Suave (eek). Needless to say I got quite a STERN lecture today about that crap ( yes- I am a product snob).

So we walk over to the case to buy the Bumble and Bumble shampoo and conditioner that he used once on me and I looooved. Quite misleading since they should have it locked up behind bullet proof glass.

$25.00

PER bottle

PER 8oz bottle. (little factoid- a can of Coke is 12oz)

Note to self #4- Spending $50.00 on 16 oz of shampoo & conditioner could land me in divorce court. PUT THE BOTTLE DOWN!

So off I slumped to the "value" section ($26.00 total for Big / Sexy Hair Soy Milk).

On a good note- I did come home and weigh myself- down another 1.5 pounds (probably from shitting my pants after finding out the price)

Note to Self #3 and various pics....

Note to Self #3

If you are on a diet, and you are seriously drooling at the mouth for something sweet with no nutritional value whatsoever- DO NOT burn a Buttercream scented Yankee Candle. Wax is not edible.

"I'll be the entertainment this afternoon."

"Don't mess with me- I'm crawling and I have a mohawk!"

"Look at me roll my tongue!"

Note to Self #1 and #2

Just the beginning of a long list of things I must remember since apparently I have the memory of a funnel ( or sponge, or was it an elephant...I can't remember the saying).

Note to Self #1

Do not try a new "make-up look" before going to work. Nope- not a good idea. Especially if it is 5:45am. One ill thought out sweep of the eyeshadow brush and KABAAM- I instantly looked like Marilyn Manson. And of course it is now too late to start over. So I try to distract away from the bright purple eyeshadow with just a few coats of mascara. Now I have morphed into a bad goth Tammy Fay Baker. WHY WHY didn't I just stick to the everyday neutral tones? Off to work I go, accesorized with a quite interesting necklace that seemed to distract the attention away from my paint by numbers makeup job.

Note to Self #2

If Ryan pees thru his diaper 5 nights in a row, there is a GOOD chance that it has nothing to do with the direction that the..um..Mr. Winkie is pointing. BUY BIGGER DIAPERS. Especially since Aspen peed thru hers last night, and I know that nothing on her needs to be pointed a certain direction.