Going once, Going twice, SOLD!

My first yard sale experience is done. I learned alot such as:
1] For Jerry the Drunk, anytime of the day is beer o'clock. And when he jumped on his quad and said he was making a beer run, he wasn't kidding.
2] People will buy some of the strangest things. I wish I had taken a picture of the odd two handed stuffed pillow thingy. But it sold.

I had the 8am-10am (on a SATURDAY) shift (why do these things start so early?). It was fun playing "Guess the gestation" game when every pregnant woman came in. I also wanted to stalk people and intimidate them into buying my stuff, but I didn't think that would be good etiquette. So I had to lurk. The stuff I thought would sell didn't, and the stuff I thought wouldn't sell did.

And word on the street is that a shopping intervention is being planned since Aspen's old 0-6 month clothes "allegedly" took up an entire rack. I already told Drew that if Cathy and Michelle show up at the door not to answer it.

Dear Easter Bunny

Dear Easter Bunny,
I am writing to warn you ahead of time that Sunday may be a tough day, and you may want to pack extra carrots just in case. As well meaning parents, we have decided to bring our darling, well behaved and mannerly children to meet you as you preside over your little bunny kingdom at the local shopping emporium. Having never had the opportunity of a formal introduction prior to this point, I am afraid that they may be, well, to put it nicely, scared as hell of a giant upright walking bunny. So, should any biting, screaming, kicking or sobbing occur, and for some strange reason my husband and I fail to claim them as our children when these actions are taking place, I will pin their address to them. Please deliver them back home when you are making your basket deliveries. Thank you.

Snow!

Hell is freezing over my friends. Yesterday it snowed in Vegas. We showgirls were shivirin' in our feathers and fishnets on the Strip. It accumulated to a very deep .000005 inch. Break out the shovels. This lovely weather comes on the heels of 85 degree days last week.

Anyway, I am done labeling for the yard sale. I think I even labeled Baci. And if he doesn't stop barking at the cats, I may reduce the price on his sticker. I need to sell all this stuff because a] I do not want to have to bring it back home and b] I have found my dream stroller. The Escalade of triple strollers, the Hope diamond of trio transportation, the ...well, you get the point.


Introducing- the Peg Perego 2007 Triplette
This thing has more options than my first car. It has all wheel suspension and rear wheel brakes. It has a STEERING WHEEL. One small problem. If I buy ONE MORE STROLLER, you may see me pushing all my belongings down the street in it when Drew finds out.

Oh, yeah, not really a showgirl. Did you forget for a second that my body is still rebounding from birthing 3 humans? The only feather costume I could pull off right now is Big Bird. But it did really snow. For 5 entire minutes.

Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!

4 out of 5 inhabitants of my house sleep through the night. Guess which one doesn't?

ME

I have been afflicted with insomnia. Why, why do I wake up 2 am in the morning, all bright eyed and unable to fall back asleep? So I stared at Drew, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I stared long enough, I could somehow telepathically suck his sleepiness into me. But no, I do not have these powers. So I stared at the ceiling, counted, and tried to think of lyrics to songs. The only one I could think of, which then proceeded to get stuck in my head, was the tune to the kids' animal choo choo train.

Lack of sleep has led to some interesting pricing errors during my almost completed quest of labeling everything for the yard sale. Anyone want to buy a $5.00 pair of infant socks?

Procrastination 201 - the sequel

Someone...somewhere..has GOT to owe me a favor. Come forward NOW!

I spent all day hanging and pinning 296 outfits/sleepers/shirts and folding 80 onesies to sell at the Mothers of Multiples yard sale. When does the stuff need to be there you ask? Thursday. As in this Thursday. How long have I known about this? 2 months. So I turned the loft into a 1 person production line.

I still need to sort by size. AND, I still have not printed the labels (which are very specific and must meet the guidelines of the MOM yard sale contract that I had to sign or I shall be punished and displayed in town and stoned with poopy diapers.)

Needless to say, I will probably be labeling in the car at red lights on the way to drop the stuff off

Procrastination 101

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Ok- I know I am a few days late, BUT, the headband I ordered for Aspen didn't arrive in time, so the holiday had to be postponed in the Williams residence. And besides, I like to be different...

In other news, Aspen puked. That's not newsworthy in itself, but the fact that I was holding her up and she puked on...my...face... well, that's newsworthy. And Dominic has found his "jewels" and is holding on like they will fall off if he lets go. He even yanked his diaper off when I was changing him like Viola! just to get to it. Great.

Tomorrow is the big Resolve IVF conference, and I'm on the panel, which means I get to talk about myself for 5-10 minutes. All about me! My RE is also giving a presentation. Hey- I wonder if he needs me to be Vanna White for his slideshow!

Ok - off to finish the handouts that I should have printed 4 hours ago, and the sign I still have to design.

Mysteries solved and created...

I have been on this crazy quest to determine Drew's nationality, so I can figure out what the kids are. Now I understand the significance of my father always telling me he was going to import me a nice Italian boy from the homeland. Sheesh- that would have made this little project a heap load easier. I feel like I am just spinning a globe with Drew. Soooo, after consulting with Liz, I am pretty sure it is narrowed down.

Presenting the United Nations Triplets!
Composed of Italian, Irish, and German (me) and Syrian, Greek, Norwegian, Dutch, English (Drew).

AND, I learned a very important new fact today. Mary (as in Jesus, Mary etc) is Mexican. Well, at least according to HellMart. That's right. After I made the VERY stupid decision to try and run into the place today during my lunch to grab diapers and sippy cups, I was walking out and they had a entire rack of Mexican Marys on display. They were pretty big, kinda like lawn ornament size. Now, for the record, I went to a grade school funded entirely by Italians and Greeks, and I do not remember hearing that spaghetti and pitas were served at the Last Supper. So why does one nationality get their own version???
I understand about being "politically correct", but I am a firm believer in the separation of politics and religion, church and state. I'm just confused.

Next time I'll order lunch for delivery.

Project Bambino - Part 5

(2004)

I have to admit that I was quite cynical at this point, and short of reaching through the phone to strangle Crazynurse, I again adjusted my seat belt for the roller coaster ride, hoping that this time I wouldn't fall out of the cart.

I was wrong. Again.

2 days later I found out the beta did not double. Again. When CrazyNurse called to give me the news, she told me I had to get a methotrexate shot immediately. Crazynurse told me that Dr. Looneypants thought it could be an ectopic pregnancy and to get the shot right away. Since you can't stroll into Walgreens and get this, I had to go back to the ER, where, I may as well had a Metro Pass at this point.

I sit in my room, and sit some more, sit even longer, thinking at any moment my tubes were going to blow out of my body. Finally Dr. Personality walks in and says "I just spoke to Dr. Looneypants, and she says she never told Crazynurse to tell you to come for a methotrexate shot."

WTF?

Because I had nothing better to do today? So I decided to go to an ER for a shot I had never heard of after talking to an obviously psychotic nurse who apparently had a conversation with a doctor that only occurred in her head?

So I grabbed my stuff, my fallopian tubes, Drew and my uterus and was discharged. With a recommendation off the record by Dr. Personality to find a new OBGYN.

Gee- ya think so?

to be continued...

Not sure who she takes after...

Aspen has a problem. It seems that she has a shoe fetish. She has alot of shoes. Alot of shoes for a 10 month old who does not walk. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED. All of a sudden, there is a shoe explosion in her room.

I tried to blame this on Drew, until I looked at the ratio of shoe space in the closet.

ok, this MIGHT be my fault. But I couldn't resist the pink Chuck Taylors, and every baby needs Pucci inspired rain boots (I mean, we get at least 1 inch of rain a year in Vegas- you need to be prepared). Now, if I could only find baby Doc Martens.....

Easter Pics - Take 1

Pictures with triplets is an adventure that everyone should experience. I have used this particular studio for all their professional pics, but I may need to find a new one. Or they need new staff. When I made the appointment, I'm pretty sure I told them I wanted to do Easter photos. We got pics on a plain white background, and then the "special Easter background" that looks like I took them in my backyard. Then, they tried to put these fake ducks in the picture that looked like they were just rescued from an oil spill. So between kicking the Exxon Valdez ducks out of the picture, Ryan having a hissy fit and trying to crawl away, and numerous pics with Drew's hand in the shot- I present to you- THE DISCARDED SHOTS. 77 frames, only 3 good pics to be displayed at a later date.

TaDa!!!!

My awesome new blog designs is the wonderful work of Lindsey over at Splat Designs! She is great to work with and was very patient with my ever- changing mind! Run- Go- Get her to design your blog looking as nifty as mine!

In another plug for the day- you MUST click here. That's right- DO IT NOW! I want to see how long I can last on the front page.

Project Bambino- Part 4

Pregnant?

Huh?

Crazy Nurse-" I need you to get another blood test so we can see if the number doubles from 41"
Me- "Uh- ok. But, I had my period. I don't get it."
Crazy Nurse "Some people bleed when pregnant- don't worry" (understatement of the year)

I left work anyway, went and got a pregnancy test, a card for Drew, and a "I Love Daddy" bib. Went home, peed on that damn stick, sure enough- positive.

Drew came home, and I had the bib, card and stick behind my back. I whipped them out, and after a moment of confusion, it finally registered. I went the next day for follow up blood work.

It came back 49. No double, not even close. Then the cramps hit, and spotting, and one trip to the ER later, miscarriage #1 was confirmed - beta down to 18.

If 1 more person told me that at least I knew I could get pregnant- I would have ran them over with my car.

So 1 week after this, I go and see Dr. Looneypants. After confirming my negative pregnancy test, she proceeds to tell me that I am ovulating. Yeah-ok-whatever. But not one to give up an opportunity, (Mom- cover your eyes) Drew and I have "snuggle time". Dr. Looneypants calls the next week and tells me that she wants 1 more blood test for my records. So I trudge into Quest a few days later, Dracula takes my blood, and I go home.

2 days later- ring ring- It's Crazy Nurse on the phone.

Crazy Nurse-"Your blood work came back positive."
Me-"Positive for what?"
Crazy Nurse-"You're pregnant"

Good gawd- here we go again....

to be continued...

Project Bambino - Part 3

So after taking a much needed break from the hell that would be life at that time, it was time to to get back on the roller coaster for 2004. I went back to Dr. Looneypants, who again gave me Clomid.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of this fine, MOOD ALTERING drug- good for you.

I morphed into a hormonal, psychotic, angry B*tch. Which, did not help me when I had to take the lovely pee on a stick that month. It was a good thing that Drew was not there when I took the pregnancy test. Negative pregnancy tests, when thrown against the bathroom wall with the force of a tornado, have quite a rebound. Make sure to duck. So much for Clomid try #2.

So I go back to Dr. Looneypants, who says to try 1 more month. Fine. I take my mega witch costume out of the closet and start poppin' the pills. After going through heartburn, nausea and a public display of psychotic behavior at the George Carlin show, I decided that was it- no more Clomid. Of course, pee on the stick time came around and flying pregnancy tests went through the air.

The day after 5 negative pee tests, I call Dr. Looneypants to schedule an HSG in March 2004, basically to see if the Great Wall of China has been built in my tubes. She sends me for blood work, and I schedule the appointment for the next week, since it has to be done within a certain time frame after Aunt Flow leaves town. I go for my blood work that Saturday just as Aunt Flow decided to come knocking on the uterine door. Tuesday (aka tube blowing day) arrives and my cell rings, as I am getting ready to leave work to go to the test.

Me- "Hello"
Dr. Looneypants Crazy Nurse -"Are your boobs sore?"
Me-"No, but thanks for the concern."
Crazy Nurse-"Did you schedule the HSG?"
Me- "Yes- I am on my way there now"
Crazy Nurse-"You need to cancel- you're pregnant"

Huh?

to be continued...

HAHAHA- quick laugh for the day

My friend Jenn sent me this in an email- and I couldn't help but pee my britches when I saw it.

Am I the ONLY person who thinks these stickers are utterly annoying? I needed to refrain from the middle finger flex last week when I got stuck behind someone driving 10 miles under the speed limit who felt the need to advertise the name of himself, wife, 6 kids, 2 dogs and 1 cat.

HEY BUDDY- I do not care that your dog's name is Fido- STEP ON THE GAS!

My parenting license may be revoked...

Oh boy.

The parenting police are probably shining theirs cuffs right now.

Ryan had a rough weekend. Ryan is no longer allowed in the Bumbo chair unattended. Ryan can climb out of the Bumbo chair. Ryan fell headfirst into the sink.

IN MY DEFENSE-
1] He loves water
2] He saw water
3] He went for the water while I grabbed Dominic

I need another set of eyes and another arm.
~~~~~~~
Note to self #6 - There is a reason that the Triple Decker stroller clearly states on the handle bar "Remove top baby first".

After taking the trio to see Drew at work, Liz and I decided to grab some lunch. After finally getting seated (aka- making it thru the curious folks to our table) I was so flustered that I took Dominic off, then as I lifted Aspen's car seat off, I heard a THUNK.

uh oh

The law of gravity is proven when 17 lb baby makes the stroller top heavy. I swear a silent hush fell over the restaurant. So there is Ryan, in the car seat, triple decker with its front wheel high in the air, looking at me like "What the hell MOM!" and then he proceeded to SCREAM, just for dramatic purposes only.

So I played it off like a stroller malfunction, and not a Mom malfunction, and all was calm in the land again.

Then he got the ultimate revenge. We had 1 last stop- and he broke the CARDINAL RULE.

NO POOPING IN PUBLIC.

Of course the diaper bag was in the car (I mean, after all- mothers of the year like myself tend to leave the diaper bag in the car-DUH). So I send my apologies out to the fellow shoppers on behalf of Prince StinkyPants.

The parade of hats...

OK- I'll admit- I have a slight clothing addiction for the kids. This includes hats. I LOVE dressing them up. I blame this all on my parents feeding my Barbie addiction as a child. Even Baci is not spared...

So here are a few additions from yesterday's shopping adventure.

"Thanks for coordinating my hat to my new swimsuit Mommy"

"I do not like my sunhat!"

"Hello"

"Mommy, please remember to take the tag off"

"I'm starting to like wearing all these hats"

"Why do you have to dress me too?"

Next up - SUNGLASSES!

I amaze myself :)

I took the the triplets out...in public...ALL BY MYSELF! This was my 1st solo trip with them and I was a little leery. OK, scared the beeheezus out of me. But I loaded up on caffeine, made sure they were fed, and off we went.

Aspen got 2 easter dresses, and they all got a boatload of clothes. Mission accomplished. Didn't even get them off schedule. I rock!

And stay tuned for for my new blog look. Splat Designs is creating me a totally awesome new blog design. I can't wait!

Off to take more antibiotics since my voice is officially toast. Drew doesn't seem to mind.

Note to self #5

"Do not wait until you are deep in the kingdom of sickyness to find a new family doctor"

My throat feels like I swallowed barbed wire and my nostrils are each sending out teams of snot bobsledders to see which one can race down my face the fastest. So I figured I should go make sure I didn't have SARS or the bird flu. Problem is, I have not seen a "regular" doctor in a long time. The only MDs I have seen recently only handle the nether regions. And since this situation was occurring north of the border, I didn't think my Peri (who is probably now regretting keeping me as a "normal" patient) would appreciate me calling him about a snot clogged nose.

I finally got in to see a PA-C, who told me I have a lovely sinus infection and bacterial pharyngitis. So she gave me a script for some giant horse pills and a lollipop and sent me on my merry way. OK- I didn't get a lollipop but I deserved one.

So, it hurts to talk, and I am whining with kleenex stuffed up my nose. AND I can't take my diet pills for 10 days.

NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN LOLLIPOP!!!

Good grief- we're a side show attraction...

I really, REALLY needed a shopping fix. Badly. So I coerced Drew into going outlet shopping by playing Hazel all day long Saturday. I swear I did 23 loads of laundry, or 47, so many I lost count.

So Drew, and I, Liz and the trio trek out Sunday. All goes well, we load up the stroller, get two feet inside Old Navy when Ryan decides to test the acoustics. And screams. Loudly. Which brought loads of people running over like I just beat him with a pair of cargo pants. Of course, this sets off the question we heard 83 times - "Are they triplets?" I have gotten very good at the " Nod, Smile, Look Away".

However, 1 couple was DETERMINED to stand above the crowd.

As we set on a bench, feeding the trio, these kind folks who just fell off the turnip truck decided to whip out the CAMERA and ask for a picture. Huh? So somewhere, in some small town, somewhere in corn field USA, I am smack dab in the coffee table photo album of their Vegas vacation pics.

At least they were polite to ask, others just snapped away like we had a dancing monkey and a humped back midget with us also. Drew was contemplating setting out a tin cup.

People cleared the way for us in the Gap, asked us scheduling tips (me?- I'm part if Michelle's Wingin' It Parenting movement), and praised us for being seemingly well adjusted individuals.

All this, and all I set out for was a pair of capris.

Project Bambino - Part 2

After thoroughly unpacking and convinced that I didn't misplace my ovaries at some hotel in Colorado, I decided to go see my OBGYN, who, I shall refer to as Dr. LooneyPants.

Dr. LooneyPants tells me to continue to use the ovulation tests (apparently she missed the part where I told her that I had been doing this already) and to see her in 6 months if I am not pregnant. Gee thanks- all that great advice for just a $10 co-pay.

So, I play nice, and go along, and 6 months later call for an appointment, and they get me in for a maintenence check in August 2003. Dr. LooneyPants thinks I just need a jump start and prescribes Clomid. Great, this should be an easy fix. So I begin taking the pills in the beginning of September, with a pregnancy test scheduled September 30th. Yippee!

Umm, sorry Project Bambino, but there is a change of plans.

Drew and I flew to Baltimore to see my grandmother who was ill. We land, my mom calls and tells us to catch a cab.

I walk in to find out that my dad had just died.

My father passed away while I was on the plane.

September 30th, the day of my pregnancy test, was the day of my father's funeral.

...to be continued